Final Speech: Life lessons From the Comedy aisle

Listen to the speech - 3.25 min

When you go to the book store you seek edification - history, travel, language - subjects to help you live life... better. So I thought it especially appropriate then, as we all embark on our next adventures to share some words of wisdom from the racks of Barnes and Noble. I brought three books here with me. These books are so good, I'm going to share 4 tips that basically apply to everyone.

Tip 1
The first book titled Toothpaste for Dinner by a guy named DREW offers great advice for parents and would be parents. Dad's especially you are constantly tasked to answer challenging questions. So here's is an example of how to respond when asked about dust, "Dust is made up of bad thoughts and mean words, so you need to only do nice things from now on because your mother is tired of vacuuming." Folks this is a great use of real physical and emotional references to inspire desired behavior.

Takeaway: Raise good, clean kids.

Tip 2
Also on the subject of cleanliness, in the third chapter of the same book titled Batteries are Delicious is advice for university students. In this cartoon you have one friend saying to another, "i don't care how many grad students tell you otherwise, sweat is not 'the body's natural shower'"

Takeway: Shower.

Tip 3
This is for anyone getting on a plane in the next two weeks. As you know we are on orange alert. I just came back from LA yesterday. It's times like these when you need to consult The Worst-case Scenario Survival Handbook: LIFE. You are probably thinking terriorism, but I consulted the book for more practical matters.

On Saturday when they went through my bag searching for my secrets they found it. They found my lavender-scented Secret® Gel Deodorant. Don't let them take your Secret®! When they go through your bag looking for gel deodorant, they'll find peppermint tea bags. Yes folks, according to the Worst-case Scenario Survival Handbook, if you steep two of these, chill and place under each armpit you've got yourself some natural odor elimination.

Takeaway: Innovate with simple things

So you probably didn't expect to hear a speech about hygiene, but truly these are words to live by: Raise good, clean kids; Shower; and Innovate with simple things. With that I will close with one more piece of advice.

Tip 4
This last piece of advice comes from the Book of Bunny Suicides. It's subtitled little fluffy rabbits who just don't want to live any more. It's a simple picture of a bunny standing next to a weightlifter with a long feather on a stick, about to tickle him.

Takeaway: Never tickle a man lifting a 500 pound barbell.

Thank you!


Listen to the speech- 3.25 min